Tag Archives: redneck

Redneck quickies 35

You might be a redneck if…You don’t know what a redneck is.You’re still upset that they canceled “The Dukes of Hazzard”. You thought ER was ET’s cousin.You think a strip joint is where they disassemble cars. You are in 6 grade and the only one in your family that can write your name.You’ve ever been stuck in your own driveway. You refer to your dog as the dishwasher. Your car is made out of 17 others and each part is a different color. You repair your car in the autoparts store parking lot. You can name all the characters from the “Dukes of Hazzard”. You recite lines from “The Dukes of Hazzard”. You keep track of all the belt holders in all the wrestling leagues. You got married in the family car, in a drive-thru chapel. You search your computer monitor for the dial that changes channels. Your idea of a fancy dessert is “moon pie ala mode”. You just bought your family their lst Atari game system. You and your wife celebrate your anniversay at the K-mart cafeteria. You think the only tools “real men” need are duck tape and caulk, and you have sucessful repair projects to prove it. You’ve tried to quote Jeff Foxworthy and screwed it up. You name your car the General Lee.

Redneck quickies 26

You might be a rednack if…

You’ve ever worn hunter’s orange to church.

You have barnyard animals living in your house.

Every pair of jeans you own has a tobacco can ring worn in one of the rear pockets.

Your truck has a bumper sticker that reads, “Gun control is a steady hand.”

Your wife has ever torn her hose on the boogers stuck under the front of the pickup seat.

You have ever had a special loaded gun by the back door only for use on possums.

You have ever shot a possum on your porch.

You don’t use a garbage service because it must be placed up near the mail box and you can’t see far enough thru the trees to shoot the neighbors’ dogs when they get into it.

You only go to the dump when you have enough to fill up the pickup.

You have more than 500 rounds of ammunition in your house….not including 22 caliber.

You have guns in your house that you cannot find.

You think a night of fine dining is going to the Snack Bar at Wal-Mart while the automotive department is raising your truck another 8 inches.

You think Wal-Mart is expensive.

You’ve got more guns “On Display” than Wal-Mart Sporting Goods.

You have ever written a check for less than a dollar.

Your horse wears shoes, but you don’t.

It doesn’t bother you when you walk through a barn barefooted.

You name your twin boys Jack and Daniel.

You ask your 10-year old son how to spell a word.

Your dog is your alarm clock.

You might be a Redneck if..

You might be a redneck if you have more than one living relative named after a
southern civil war general.

You’re a redneck … you ever ate road kill

You’re a redneck if …. You ever ate road kill for dinner.

You Might Be A Redneck

You might be a redneck if….your belt buckle contains more money, than your pockets do.