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Answer from Heaven

A little boy wanted $100 so badly that he prayed for two weeks. But nothing
happened; so he decided to write God a letter asking for the money. When the
postal authorities received the letter addressed to “GOD, USA”, hey decided to
send it to President Clinton. Bill was so impressed, touched, and amused that he
instructed his secretary to send the boy a $5 bill.
The little boy was delighted with the $5, and sat down to write a thank you
note to God, which read; “Dear God, Thank you very much for sending me the
money. However, I noticed that for some reason you had it sent through
Washington, DC, and as usual, those guys deducted $95.”

How to stop a black baby from jumping on the bed

how to stop a black baby from jumping on the bed? put velcro on the ceiling.

Candy from a baby

Anyone who says, “Easy as taking candy from a baby” has never tried it.

Memo From Accounting Department

It has come to our attention recently that many of you

have been turning in timesheets that specify large amounts

of “Miscellaneous Unproductive Time” (Code 5309). However,

we need to know exactly what you are doing during your

unproductive time.

Attached below is a sheet specifying a tentative extended

job code list based on our observations of employee activities.

The list will allow you to specify with a fair amount of

precision what you are doing during your unproductive time.

Please begin using this job-code list immediately and let

us know about any difficulties you encounter.

Thank you,

Accounting

Attached: Extended Job-Code List

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Code Description

****************

5316 – Useless Meeting

5317 – Obstructing Communications at Meeting

5318 – Trying to Sound Knowledgeable While in Meeting

5319 – Waiting for Break

5320 – Waiting for Lunch

5321 – Waiting for End of Day

5322 – Vicious Verbal Attacks Directed at Coworker

5323 – Vicious Verbal Attacks Directed at Coworker While

Coworker is Not Present

5393 – Covering for Incompetence of Coworker Friend

5400 – Trying to Explain Concept to Coworker Who is Not

Interested in Learning

5401 – Trying to Explain Concept to Coworker Who is Stupid

5402 – Trying to Explain Concept to Coworker Who Hates You

5481 – Buying Snack

5482 – Eating Snack

5500 – Filling Out Timesheet

5501 – Inventing Timesheet Entries

5502 – Waiting for Something to Happen

5503 – Scratching Yourself

5504 – Sleeping

5510 – Feeling Bored

5511 – Feeling Horny

5600 – Complaining About Lousy Job

5601 – Complaining About Low Pay

5602 – Complaining About Long Hours

5603 – Complaining About Coworker (See Codes #5322 & #5323)

5604 – Complaining About Boss

5605 – Complaining About Personal Problems

5640 – Miscellaneous Unproductive Complaining

5701 – Not Actually Present At Job

5702 – Suffering from Eight-Hour Flu

6102 – Ordering Out

6103 – Waiting for Food Delivery to Arrive

6104 – Taking It Easy While Digesting Food

6200 – Using Company Resources for Personal Profit

6201 – Stealing Company Goods

6202 – Making Excuses After Accidentally Destroying Company

Goods

6203 – Using Company Phone to Make Long-Distance Personal Calls

6204 – Using Company Phone to Make Long-Distance Personal Calls

to Sell Stolen Company Goods

6205 – Hiding from Boss

6206 – Gossip

6207 – Planning a Social Event (e.g. vacation, wedding, etc.)

6210 – Feeling Sorry For Yourself

6211 – Updating Resume

6212 – Faxing Resume to Another Employer/Headhunter

6213 – Out of Office on Interview

6221 – Pretending to Work While Boss Is Watching

6222 – Pretending to Enjoy Your Job

6223 – Pretending You Like Coworker

6224 – Pretending You Like Important People When in Reality

They Are Jerks

6238 – Miscellaneous Unproductive Fantasizing

6350 – Playing Pranks on the New Guy/Girl

6601 – Running your own Business on Company Time (See Code #6603)

6602 – Complaining

6603 – Writing a Book on Company Time

6611 – Staring Into Space

6612 – Staring At Computer Screen

6615 – Transcendental Meditation

6969 – Beating off in Broom Closet

7281 – Extended Visit to the Bathroom (at least 10 minutes)

7400 – Talking With Divorce Lawyer on Phone

7401 – Talking With Plumber on Phone

7402 – Talking With Dentist on Phone

7403 – Talking With Doctor on Phone

7404 – Talking With Masseuse on Phone

7405 – Talking With House Painter on Phone

7406 – Talking With Personal Therapist on Phone

7419 – Talking With Miscellaneous Paid Professional on Phone

7425 – Talking With Mistress/Boy-Toy on Phone

7931 – Asking Coworker to Aid You in an Illicit Activity

8000 – Recreational Drug Use

8001 – Non-Recreational Drug Use

8002 – Liquid Lunch

8100 – Reading e-mail

8102 – Laughing while reading e-mail

From Mom’s Dictionary……

From Mom’s Dictionary…

Amnesia (noun)

Condition that enables a woman
who has gone through labor to make love again.