Tag Archives: bill

Bill Clinton & JFK

Whats the difference between Bill Clinton and JFK?

One got his head blown off in the back seat of a car, the other was
asassinated.

Monica and Bill

Monica and Bill are in the oval office. Bill says, “Hey Monica…let’s play
‘Hide The Sausage’!”

Monica says, “Why…you always hide it in the same damn place?”

Bill Gates In Hell

Bill Gates dies and goes to Hell. Satan greets him and says, “Welcome Mr. Gates, we’ve been waiting for you. This will be your home for all eternity. You’ve been selfish, greedy and a big liar all your life. Now, since you’ve got me in a good mood, I’ll be generous and give you a choice of three places in which you’ll be locked up forever.”Satan takes Bill to a huge lake of fire in which millions of poor souls are tormented and tortured. He then takes him to a massive coliseum where thousands of people are chased about and devoured by starving lions. Finally, he takes Bill to a tiny room in which there is a bottle of fine wine sitting on a table. To Bill’s delight, he sees a PC in the corner.Without hesitation, Bill says “I’ll take this option.””Fine,” says Satan, allowing Bill to enter the room.Satan locks the room after Bill. As he turns around, he bumps into Lucifer.”That was Bill Gates!” cried Lucifer. “Why did you give him the best place of all?!?””That’s what everyone thinks,” snickered Satan. “But the bottle has a hole in it!””Why the PC?”, he continued, “”It’s got the latest version of Windows and it’s missing three keys!””Which three?” said Lucifer.”Control, Alt and Delete!”

Bill Clinton Top10…

From David Letterman and the Late Show…

Top Ten Signs Bill Clinton Doesn’t Give A Damn

10. Called Russia asking if they need a new spy
9. When people whisper, “Your fly is open,” he says, “Yeah, I know”
8. Shoplifts at will, gives finger to security camera
7. If you asked what he had for breakfast and he actually had waffles, he’ll say “pancakes” just for the fun of lying
6. He’s no longer just fat — he’s now Hugh Rodham fat
5. “Tubby” is selling a copy of the Declaration of Indepence on eBay
4. Doesn’t even bother to buy high-quality cigars anymore
3. Recently introduced Playboy playmate as “my lovely wife”
2. Refers to Chappaqua mansion as “the house that dirty pardon money built”
1. Sits in the back of Al Gore’s journalism class screaming, “Loser!”

Top Ten Potential New Jobs for Bill Clinton

10. Part time work for an “escort” agency

9. Color commentator for the Braves

8. Shampoo commercial model for suave shampoo

7. Guest celebrity psychic for the 1-900-PSYCHIC hotline

6. Replace Dave as spokesman for Wendy’s

5. Guest shot on “Jeff Foxworthy”

4. Food critic for the Little Rock Gazette

3. Columnist for “High Times” magazine

2. Star as “Jethro” in the next Beverly Hillbillies Movie

1. Top Ten list editor for “Funny Town”