Dumb as a Wall!

A guy starts a new job, and the boss says, “if you marry my daughter, i’ll
make you a partner, give you an expense account, a mercedes, and a million
dollar annual salary.”
the guy says, “what’s wrong with her?” the boss shows him a picture, and she’s
hideous.

the boss says, “it’s only fair to tell you, she’s not only ugly,
she’s as dumb as a wall.”

the guy says, “i don’t care what you offer me, it ain’t worth it.”

the boss says, “i’ll give you a five million dollar salary and build you a
mansion on long island.”

the guy accepts, figuring he can put a bag over her head when they have sex.
about a year later, the guy buys an original van gogh and he’s about to hang it
on the wall. he climbs a ladder and yells to his wife, “bring me a hammer.”

she mumbles, “get the hammer. get the hammer,” and she fetches the hammer.

the guy says, “get me some nails.” she mumbles, “get the nails. get the
nails,” and she gets him some nails.

the guys starts hammering a nail into the wall, he hits his thumb, and he
yells, “f***!”

she mumbles, “get the bag. get the bag.”

New maid

A guy dials his home phone number from work. A strange woman answers. The guy says, “Who is this?”

“This is the maid.”, answered the woman.

“We don’t have a maid!” “I was just hired this morning by the lady of the house.”

“Well, this is her husband. Is she there?” “Ummm…she’s upstairs in the bedroom with someone who I just figured was her husband.”

The guy is fuming. He says to the maid, “Listen, would you like to make $50,000?”

“What do I have to do?”

“I want you to get my gun from my desk in the den and shoot that Bitch and the jerk she’s with.”

The maid puts down the phone. The guy hears footsteps, followed by a couple of gunshots.

The maid comes back to the phone. “What should I do with the bodies?”

“Throw them in the swimming pool!”

“What pool?”

“Uh.. is this 832-4821?”

What do you get when you cross a blonde and…

What do you get when you cross a blonde and a lawyer?

I don’t know, there are some things even a blonde won’t do.

God’s Doing a Better Job!

A grandfather and granddaugher were sitting and talking when the
young girl asked, “Did God make you, Grandpa?”

“Yes, God made me,” the grandfather answered.

A few minutes later, the little girl asked him, “Did God make me
too?”

“Yes, He did,” the older man answered.

For a few minutes, the little girl seemed to be studying her
grandpa, as well as her own reflection in the mirror, while her
grandfather wondered what was running through her mind. At last
she spoke up.

“You know, Grandpa,” she said, “God’s doing a lot better job
lately.”

Luke

Knock-Knock.

Who’s there?

Luke.

Luke who?

Luke through the window and you’ll see.