Category Archives: Sports Figures Jokes

Stupid camps

1. Quiditch camp (no children cannot fly)

2. Sailor camp ( no they will not end up on broadway)

3. Star Wars camp ( no it is not possible to become Chubbaca)

4. Star Trek Camp (Mr. Bernard is there)

Leafs vs. Habs

One cold winter day a couple of kids were playing hockey on Lake
Ontario and a vicious dog ran up and started biting one of the
kids’ legs. Thinking fast the other kids took his hockey stick
and started beating the dog until it was dead.

A news reporter for the Toronto Sun was walking by and saw the
entire incident and came runny up to the kids. He pulled out his
memo book and starts writing: “Little Leafs fan saves boy from
vicious dog.” The boy said, “I’m not a Leaf fan.”

The reporter said, “Oh since you lived in Toronto I just figured
you were,” and crosses out what he had written and started to
write again: “Little Blue Jays fan saves boy from vicious dog.”
And again the boy said, “I’m not a Blue Jay’s fan.”

The reporter thinks for a minute and said, “Oh since you live in
Toronto I figured you were either a Jays fan or a Leafs fan, who
do you cheer for?” The boy replied, “I’m a Habs fan.” So the
reporter flipped to a different page and started to write:
“Little French bastard kills beloved family pet.”

Ugliest man in the world

One day, Hercules, Snow White and the Quasimoto (Hunchback of
Notre Dame) were standing around talking.

Hercules spoke up and said, “I bet I am the strongest man in the
world.” Snow White then looked around and said, “Well I bet that
I am the most beautiful person in the world.” Then Quasimoto
looks around and quietly said, “I suppose that I am the ugliest
man in the world.”

An old man who had been listening in on there conversation said,
“There is a psychic on top of that hill up there, why don’t you
each go in there and ask her yourself?” The three friends agreed
and they hiked to the top of the hill.

Hercules went in first and came out a few minutes later and
said, “I was right, I am the strongest man in the world.” Snow
White went in next. She came out a few minutes later and said,
“I was also right, I am the most beautiful person in the world.”
Finally it was Quasimoto’s turn. He went in and after a few
minutes he came out scratching his head. He looks up at his
friends and said, “Who is Dennis Rodman?”

Baseball Player

Why Did the Baseball player bring rope to the game?

He wanted to tie the score.

Jock Jems

Basketball player Chris Washburn, on his ability to drive to the
basket, “Yeah, I can go to my right and my left. That’s because
I’m amphibious.

“Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy
like Norman Einstein.” Football commentator and former player
Joe Theismann (1996)

“You guys line up alphabetically by height.” “You guys pair up
in groups of three, then line up in a circle.” Bill Peterson, a
Florida State football coach.

Boxing promoter Dan Duva on Mike Tyson hooking up again with
promoter Don King: “Why would anyone expect him to come out
smarter? He went to prison for three years, not Princeton.”

Stu Grimson, Chicago Blackhawks left wing, explaining why he
keeps a color photo of himself above his locker: “That’s so when
I forget how to spell my name, I can still find my fucking
clothes.”

Shaquille O’Neal on whether he had visited the Parthenon during
his visit to Greece, “I can’t really remember the names of the
clubs that we went to.”

Shaquille O’Neal, on his lack of championships, “I’ve won at
every level, except college and pro.”

Lou Duva, Veteran boxing trainer, on the Spartan training regime
of heavyweight Andrew Golota, “He’s a guy who gets up at six
o’clock in the morning regardless of what time it is.”

1992 – Pat Williams, Orlando Magic general manager, on his
team’s 7-27 record, “We can’t win at home. We can’t win on the
road. As general manager, I just can’t figure out where else to
play.”

1982 – Chuck Nevitt, North Carolina State basketball player,
explaining to Coach Jim Valvano why he appeared nervous at
practice, “My sister’s expecting a baby, and I don’t know if I’m
going to be an uncle or an aunt.”

1991 – Steve Spurrier, Florida football coach, telling Gator
fans that a fire at Auburn’s football dorm had destroyed 20
books, “But the real tragedy was that 15 hadn’t been colored
yet.” 1991 – Alan Kulwicki, stock car racer, on racing Saturday
nights as opposed to Sunday afternoons, “It’s basically the
same, just darker.”

1991 – Frank Layden, Utah Jazz president, on a former player, “I
told him, ‘Son, what is it with you? Is it ignorance or apathy?’
He said, ‘Coach, I don’t know and I don’t care.'”

1991 – Torrin Polk, University of Houston receiver, on his
coach, John Jenkins, “He treats us like men. He lets us wear
earrings.”

1987 – Shelby Metcalf, basketball coach at Texas A&M, recounting
what he told a player who received four Fs and one D, “Son,
looks to me like you’re spending too much time on one subject.”