Category Archives: Science Jokes

The alcohol trouble

During grammar school science experiements into properties of different alcohols:The residue of each test was tipped down the sinks, which were grouped in threes. There were no U-bends, but each group of sinks emptied into a single box, which overflowed into the mains sewers. Presumably this was intended to retain things like droplets of mercury, which was not banned from use when I was 16.During the session, my bunsen went out, so I re-lit it with a splint lit from the teacher’s bunsen. For safety’s sake (!) I dropped the burning splint into the sink, intending to extinguish it with water, instead of waving it around in the alcohol fumes. A small blue flame disappeared down the plughole. Hum, thinks I, I wonder where that’s going?I opened the cupboard ‘neath the sink, only to find the drain box, full of alcohol, a roaring mass of flame. Shutting the doors, I called out, “Er, Sir…” just as the inch-thick wooden lids blew off the adjacent un-used sinks. Fortunately, the back-blast extinguished the flames under the cupboard, so the box only sagged slightly!

The Cesium song 13

Cesium’s Strange(Tune, People are strange – The Doors)Cesium’s strange,when you’re a strangerConsummate danger,ready to blow.Water is wicked,wet and unwanted,Folks are unfriendly,when you glow.Don’t take it out in the rain.You’re insane!You’re insane!Don’t you remember the pain?You’re insane!You’re insane!You’re insane —Cesium’s strange,pregnant with danger,Hand the next strangera kilo or two.Pour on the water,lamb at the slaughter,Bathe in the lightthat is blue, sky-blue!Don’t take it out in the rain.You’re insane!You’re insane!You’ll always remember the pain.You’re insane!You’re insane!You’re insane —— Songs of Cesium #13

Jokes of science 03

Why did the chicken cross the Mobius strip? To get to the same side.Why did the chicken cross the road? Issac Newton: Chickens at rest tend to stay at rest, chickens in motion tend to cross roads.A neutron walks into a bar; he asks the bartender, “How much for a beer?” The bartender looks at him, and says “For you, no charge.” Two fermions walk into a bar. One orders a drink. The other says “I’ll have what he’s having.” Two atoms bump into each other. One says “I think I lost an electron!” The other asks, “Are you sure?”, to which the first replies, “I’m positive.” Renee Descartes walks into a bar, the bartender says “sir can I get you a martini “Descartes says “I don’t think…” and he disappears Where does bad light end up? Answer: In a prism! Heisenberg is out for a drive when he’s stopped by a traffic cop. The cop says “Do you know how fast you were going?” Heisenberg says “No, but I know where I am.”

Dedicated geologists

Total immersion geologistsTotal immersion geologists: Are you totally obsessed with geology? If so, then you are a total immersion geologist. Here are the ten warning signs: 1. You judge a restaurant by the type of decorative building stone they use rather than their food. 2. You manage to turn any conversation into a discussion of geology, as in: “What did you think of that Superbowl game last night?” “I must have missed that conference. Who sponsored it? Geological Society of America?” 3. You refuse to let nightfall stop your field excursions and continue looking at the outcrops using the headlights of your field vehicle. 4. You like rock music only because it’s called “rock” music. 5. You will try to claw through the water flowing in a stream to get a better look at the bedrock at the base of the channel. 6. You will walk across eight lanes of freeway traffic to see if the outcrop on the other side of the highway is the same type of rock as the side you’re parked on. 7. You name your children after rocks and minerals. 8. You’re not sure if you have children. 9. You view non-geologists as subhuman.

The Cesium song 10

Cesium (All through the Night)(Tune, Fever)(1)Never know how much I need you,Never know how much I’d dare,When I mix you up with water,I get a heat that’s hard to bear.I need my Cesium!Burnin’ brightly,Cesium to give me light.Cesium –In the morning,Cesium all through the night.(2)Sun lights up the daytime.Moon lights up the night.Cesium lights up heaven above,With a brilliant sky-blue light.I need my Cesium!Burnin’ hotly.Cesium shinin’ so bright.Cesium –In the morning,Cesium to make me feel right.(Coda)Everybody,Needs some Cesium,Cesium to give ’em that glow.Cesium –Add some water,Get a fire hot as down below!(3)Romeo, he had Cesium,Cool water Juliette.When they mixed it up together,Things got as hot as they can get!They needed Cesium!Flamin’ madly.Cesium burnin’ so blue.Cesium –Shared between them.Cesium to make their love true.(4)Come to the end of my story.Got to the point that I made.Cesium’s the stuff to heat you up,And you ain’t gonna find no shade!You’ll need cesium!As you sizzle.Cesium some comfort to earn.Cesium –It’s almighty.What a lovely way to burn!— Songs of Cesium #96