Category Archives: School Jokes

A Turkey murder case

A guy just came from Turkey and got a job as an apple seller at an apple farm. He didn’t know any English so he just stood behind the counter and got paid. On the third day his first costomer came in. “How much are your apples”” not knowing what to say he said Turkey. “”$.25″” said the manager. When the costomer bought the apple he gave a complaint to the manager. “”Just repeat what I say and you’ll do fine. But only do what I say.”” the manager said in Turkish.
The second costomer came in and asked “”How much are the apples”” “”25 cents”” he replied. “”Are they fresh”” the costomer asked. “”Turkey”” He replied. The manager passed by and said “”Fresh real fresh”” The third costomer came in and asked “”How much are your apples”” “”25 cents”” “”Are they fresh?”” “”Fresh real fresh.”” “”Should I buy one?”” “”Turkey”” he replied. “”Yes

Gardner Webb

Q: How many Gardner-Webb University students does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Two – one to throw the old one in the cow pasture and the other to drive to Shelby to get a new bulb.

Peter

A female teacher walked into the class and saw a giant penis realistically
depicted on the black board.
“Who did it?” she asked.
Silence.
“I demand that those who did it admit it!”
Silence.
“The last time, who did it?”
“You won, it was me,” Peter said from the last row.
“Now everybody shall leave the room except for Peter,” the teacher said.
The students walked out. Minute passed. Then five, then ten… After half an
hour, Peter walked out, and, zipping up his fly, said, “The main thing is
advertisement.”

Dihydrogen monoxide

A freshman at Eagle Rock Junior High won first prize at the
Greater Idaho Falls Science fair. He was attempting to show
how conditioned we have become to alarmists practicing junk
science and spreading fear of everything in our
environment.
In his project he urged people to sign a petition demanding
strict control or total elimination of the
chemical dihydrogen monoxide. And for plenty of good
reasons:
1. It can cause excessive sweating and vomiting
2. It is a major component of acid rain
3. It can cause severe burns in its gaseous state
4. Accidental inhalation can kill you
5. It contributes to erosion
6. It decreases effectiveness of automobile brakes
7. It has been found in tumors of terminal cancer
He asked fifty people if they supported a ban of the
chemical.

Forty-three said yes and six were undecided. Only one knew
that the chemical, dihydrogen monoxide was water. The
title of his prize winning project was, How Gullible are
We? He feels the conclusion is obvious.

So what is your name?

The manager of a large office noticed a new man one day and told him to come into his office. “What is your name?” Was the first thing the manager asked the new guy.

“John,” the new guy replied.

The manager scowled, “Look, I don’t know what kind of a mamby-pamby place you worked at before, but I don’t call anyone by their first name! It breeds familiarity and that leads to a breakdown in authority.

I refer to my employees by their last name only — Smith, Jones, Baker — that’s all. I am to be referred to only as Mr. Robertson.

Now that we got that straight, what is your last name?”
The new guy sighed and said, “Darling. My name is John Darling.”

“Okay, John, the next thing I want to tell you is…”