Category Archives: Relationships Jokes

Choices

A man was seated next to a stiff-looking Baptist minister on a flight to Wichita. After the plane was airborne, the flight attendant came around for drink orders. The man asked for a whiskey and soda, which he got. The attendant then asked the minister if he would also like a drink.
The minister replied in disgust, “I’d rather be savagely raped by a brazen whore than let liquor touch these lips.”

The man then handed his drink back to the attendant and said, “I didn’t know there was a choice.”

New maid

A guy dials his home phone number from work. A strange woman answers. The guy says, “Who is this?”

“This is the maid.”, answered the woman.

“We don’t have a maid!” “I was just hired this morning by the lady of the house.”

“Well, this is her husband. Is she there?” “Ummm…she’s upstairs in the bedroom with someone who I just figured was her husband.”

The guy is fuming. He says to the maid, “Listen, would you like to make $50,000?”

“What do I have to do?”

“I want you to get my gun from my desk in the den and shoot that Bitch and the jerk she’s with.”

The maid puts down the phone. The guy hears footsteps, followed by a couple of gunshots.

The maid comes back to the phone. “What should I do with the bodies?”

“Throw them in the swimming pool!”

“What pool?”

“Uh.. is this 832-4821?”

Money for furniture

A woman filed for divorce. The reason: her husband did not satisfy her sexual
needs.
“Tell your side of the story,” the judge said to the husband.
“When we just married,” the husband said, “my wife said, ‘Let’s us save money
for furniture.’ I agreed, so we ate only soup until we’d money for furniture.
Then she said, ‘Let’s save money for a TV set..’ I agreed, so we ate only tea,
until we bought the TV set. Then she said, ‘Let’s save money for a car. We
switched to water….”
“It’s interesting,” the judge said, “But you better tell us about your
performance in bed. Your wife complains that you do not satisfy…..”
“Citizens judges! Just give me one bowl of soup, and I’ll satisfy all of
you.”

Rabbit

This guy walks into a bar with a pet rabbit. He put the rabbit on the bar and says “Let me have a scotch and give the rabbit a beer.”

The bartender says “I can give you the scotch but I can’t serve the rabbit a drink, we don’t serve animals here.”

The guy says “You don’t understand, this is a special rabbit.”

The bartender says “What’s so special about it?”

The guy says “This rabbit gives the best blow job in the world, Why don’t you take it into the office and give it a try.”

The bartender takes the rabbit into the office and come out about a half hour later saying “I want this rabbit, it was the best” How much for the rabbit?

The guy says “It’s not for sale.”

The bartender says “I’ll give you $5000.

The guy says “No.”

The bartender go to the safe and pulls out another $5000. and says “Here’s $10,000.

The guy still says no!

The bartender passes the hat in the bar and comes up with another $5000. and says “This is all I got please sell me the rabbit.”

The guys finally agrees.

That night, the bartender takes the rabbit home after closing the bar, walking into the kitchen where his wife is, he shows her the rabbit.

She says “A rabbit, what am I suppose to do with a rabbit?

The bartender says “Teach it how to cook then get the fuck out”

Submitted by Admin
Edited by Curtis

What Really Pissed Me Off!

Coming into the bar and ordering a double, the man leaned over
and confided to the bartender, “I’m so pissed off !””

“”Oh yeah? What happened?”” asked the bartender politely.

“”See