Category Archives: Puns / Word Play Jokes

Mark Your Calendar

A very important event is going to happen on May the 4th. I’m telling you so early because it’s so important. I urge each of you to mark that date on your calendars with the letters BU. It’s very important that you include the letter B with the letter U; you may miss the importance of the event without it.

So go now, and mark your calendars. Keep repeating to yourselves as you walk to the calendar, so you don’t forget: May the 4th, B with U; May the 4th, B with U….

A Problem?

If a customer walked into a hardware store and swore by a certain type of bathroom cabinet to another customer, saying how good it is, would you say the first customer had a pro-vanity problem?

What size is that?

One hot summer afternoon a woman is at the local public swimming
pool when she notices a man smoking a cigarette underwater.

She is astounded that such a thing can be so she asks him how he
does it.

“It’s easy.” He said. “I just use a condom.”

“Where can I get them?” The woman asked.

“Just go into any drugstore and ask for them.” The man tells her.

The next day she goes into her local drugstore and asks the
clerk for a condom.

“Any particular kind?” He asks.

“Yes,” she replied. “One that will fit a camel.”

Difference between…

What is the difference between humor and odor?
Humor is a shift of wit.

What is the difference between a rich man and a poor man?
A rich man has a canopy over his bed.

What is the difference between a snake and a goose?
A snake is an asp in the grass.

What is the difference between a rooster and a prostitute?
A rooster says cock-a-doodle do.

What is the difference between a girls track team and a band of Austrailian Aboriginies?
The Austrailian Aboriginies are a bunch of cunning runts.

What is the difference between a prostitute with diharreha and an epileptic Nebraska cornhusker?
The epileptic Nebraska cornhusker has fits before he shucks.

What is the longest thing on earth?
A womans leg. It goes from earth to heaven.

The Cateloupes and the Cactuses

One day two cactuses were driving down the road. They passed a
car with two really hot cantaloupes so one of the cactuses rolls
down the window and yells “Hey! Nice melons!” The driver
cantaloupe turns to her friend and says, “What a couple of
pricks.”