Category Archives: Poems Jokes

naughty poems

POEM # 1
I like your style
I like your class
but most of all i like your ass

POEM # 2
Im a cool girl, in a cool town
it takes a real mother fucker to put me down

POEM # 3
Kissing is a habit
Fucking is a game
Guys get all the pleasure
Girls get all the pain
The guy says i love you
You believe its true
But when your tummy starts to swell,
He says ‘to hell with you’
10 minutes of pleasure
9 months in pain
3 days in hospital
A baby without a name
The baby is a bastard
The mother is a whore
This never wouldn’t have happened
If the rubber wouldn’t have torn

POEM # 4
Guys are like roses,
Watch out for the pricks.

POEM # 5
Smoke a smoke
Not a butt
Fuck a virgin
Not a slut.

POEM # 6
Sex is bad
Sex is a sin
Sins are forgiven
So stick it in.

POEM # 7
Holy mother, full of grace
Bless my boyfriend’s gorgeous face
Bless his hair that tends to curl
Keep him safe from all the girls
Bless his arms that are so strong
Keep his hands where they belong
Bless his dick, the one i sucked
Bless the bed, in which we fucked
And if my Mom happened to walk in
Bless the shit I’d be in.

POEM # 8
Sex is when a guys communication
enters a girls information
to increase the population
for a younger generation
do you get the information…
or do you need a demonstration

POEM # 9
Men are like public toilets
They are either engaged or full of shit!

POEM # 10
If guys had they periods
They would compare the size of their tampons!

POEM # 11
Mental anxiety,
Mental breakdowns,
Menstrual cramps,
Menopause…
Did you ever notice how all our problems begin with MEN!

POEM # 12
Roses are red,
Violets are corny,
When I think of you
Ohh baby I get horny,
Eat me,
Beat me,
Bite me,
Blow me,
Suck me,
Fuck me,
Very slowly,
if you kiss me,
dont be sassy,
Use your tongue and make it nasty!!!!

(added) Poem #13
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue…
I’m In Love But Not With You…
When We Broke Up You Thought I Cried
But All It Was…
Was Another Guy,
You Told Your Friends That I Was A Trick,
I Told Mine That You Had A Weak Dick…
I Said I Loved You
And You Thought It Was True,
But Guess What Baby?!
You Got Played Too!!

(added)Poem #14
Guys are like parking spots…
the good ones are always taken…
and the ones that are available,
are either handicapped or too far away!! *Darny*
Send this to…

0 – You will lose the person that your with.
1-5 -someone u like will ask u out
6-10 – u and ur crush will get closer
11 or more – u and your crush will be together 4 a long
time

Suzy Brown

There once was a girl named Suzy Brown
Who thought no body could lay her down
Over the hill came pissball Pete with forty feet of swinging meat
He took her in the long green grass
Stuck his dick right up her ass
Suzy Brown let go a fart
Blew his balls 40 feet apart
Over the hill came pissball Pete
with 40 feet of shredded meat.

Jack and Jill

Jack and Jill
Went up the hill
to have a little fun,
stupid Jill forgot the pill
and now they have a son.

Ode to a potty break

ODE TO A POTTY BREAK
by John Clogger

I sit so quietly in class
Until I feel this pain of gas
Which stabs intestines large and small:
“I hope that there’s an empty stall!”

Or I can be in bed at nine
And dreaming of a girl so fine
When I awake! A siren wails
From in my gut and my entrails!

In either case I must agree
I always have to shit and pee!
But why? For now I’ll contemplate….
….And urinate and defecate!

If I can just ignore the smell,
I’ll try my best to do them well.
Now to avoid those accidents,
Pull down your pants, you gals and gents.

Unsnap the top, unzip the fly,
And let them fall down past your thigh,
And plant your butt cheeks on the seat,
And–Oh my God! My heart is weak!

This seat’s an iceberg, minus ten!
As cold as liquid nitrogen!
This morning cold is just the worst,
But at least I get to use it first!

And now here comes the easy part:
You must fire off a warning fart
To let them know the bombs will fall–
Forget about the other stall!

Let Nature do the rest; sit back
And let the shit fall out your crack!
It’s fecal matter–hey, goodbye!
Exit out my bottom eye!

And while I’m here, I might as well
Excrete my urine, what the hell!
It takes one minute for a piss,
But just be sure that you don’t miss!

Don’t hit the walls or hit the doors.
The janitors hate yellow floors.
Now get your strength back; you’ll be strong.
When all that stress and strain is gone,

You’ll have to wipe your fundament
And clean the excess excrement!
Just use that roll of mini towels,
Protects your hands and cleans your bowels….

Unless the stuff’s just too damn soft
And rips so easily enough
That fingers go right straight on through,
Then my poor hand gets smeared with doo!

I want some stuff that’s strong and fair,
That lets me know that it was there
A couple hours after use,
So nothing gets left hanging loose.

Yes, toilet paper–that’s the stuff!
And damn, I hope I’ve got enough
For one wipes, two wipes, three wipes, four!
Five wipes, six wipes, seven, more!

Now push the handle; it goes down
Into the sewer underground
To give the sewer rats a treat.
It’s good enough for them to eat!

Or it will help the grass to rise,
But now, I must zip up my fly,
Do up my pants, connect my belt.
I must admit, I haven’t felt
This good since this time yesterday!
My shitting then went A-OK!

Now some clean people wash their hands.
But me? Hell no! I’ll take the chance!
I must rush off to get some lunch,
Some finger food that I can munch!

Oh crap! My ode is almost done.
The time sure flies when you have fun.
I hope you loved my words so true
About a thing we all must do.

Ugly Bird

Her body was dressed in lace.
She was nice exept for her face.
With her bucked teeth and her double chin,
It was hard to see the beauty within.

I fancied a bit of a gropin’
So she spread her legs open,
The awfull stench
that came from the wench,
made my head whirl
So much I wanted to hurl.

Her tits began to sag,
She started to nag.
So I decided to leave,
Coz I realy needed to breathe!

As far as our relationship went, this was the end.
She drove me ’round the bend.
Now I have a girl that’s good lukin’,
And I’m never short of a good fuckin’!