A doctor examined a woman, took the husband aside, and said, “Sir, I’m really concerned… I don’t like the looks of your wife at all.” “Yes, doctor, but she’s a great cook and really good with the kids…”
Teen-age girls often have babies fathered by men: The Sunday Oregonian, September 24Low Wages Said Key to Poverty: Newsday, July 11Man shoots neighbor with machete: The Miami Herald, July 3Tomatoes come in big, little, medium sizes: The Daily Progress, Charlottesville, Virginia, March 30Real newspaper headlinesThese are actual newspaper headlines gathered from papers across the United States and world.Dirty-Air Cities Far Deadlier Than Clean Ones, Study Shows: The New York Times, March 10Man Run Over by Freight Train Dies: The Los Angeles Times, March 2Scientists see quakes in L.A. future: The Oregonian, January 28Wachtler tells graduates that life in jail is demeaning: The Buffalo News, February 26Free Advice: Bundle up when out in the cold: Lexington Herald-Leader, January 26
(From a website of English slogans on Japanese products. Don’t know how true they are. Still worth a laugh, though…)1. “Whenever and everywhere, we can meet our best friend – nature. Take a grip of steering!” (Nissan SUV)2. “When I think about the life in my own way, I need gentle conversations.” (Happy Bun Bun Candy)3. “We introduce you to the ‘Zokki Support System’ Sabrina. She’ll be one your closest friends, and this one will last. Slip on. You feel it. Watch out when you step out with Sabrina. (Sabrina Panty Hose)4. “This product is made from real duck down. Duck do wear the light and warm duck down.” (Down Jacket Aburaysia)5. “Moistens your body rapidly and softens your soul gently. Postonic is life us all.” (Postonic Bottled Water)6. “…with tasty aroma for refined adults.” (Wonda Coffee)7. “Relieve the relief and listen to the angel’s whisper.” (Angel Relief Chocolate and Biscuit)8. “For those who do not have enough time to brush their teeth.” (No Time Chewing Gum)=====
True news articleUNIVERSAL PRESS SYNDICATE — The Pikeville, Ky., City Commission has granted permission to the McCoy family to hold a three-day reunion in June 2000, to which members of the Hatfield family have been invited for a McCoy-Hatfield softball game. (During the 1870s and 1880s, the two Appalachian families had one of the most notorious feuds in U.S. history, marked by 12 deaths.)
A Gastonia, N.C., couple were arrested after they left their three children home alone with a black bear. After receiving a tip from a motorist who said they’d seen a bear in the couples’ car, officers went to the home of Cynthia and Adam Williams and found the bear at home with their three children, aged 3, 4 and 5. Cynthia Williams, 22, said she and her 24-year-old husband were holding the bear for a friend who was out of town. “As soon as we found out we couldn’t get it permitted, we were going to take it back,” she said. “It wasn’t vicious to nobody.” The bear was removed from the house by animal welfare officers and the children taken into protective care.