Category Archives: Fictional Characters Jokes

Santa’s problem

Why can’t Santa Clause have kids?

Because he only cums once a year.

10 Signs Santa Doesn’t Like Your Kid

1. Kid’s letter to North Pole comes back stamped, “Dream on!”

2. Kid asks for new bike, but gets a packet of cigarettes.

3. Along with presents, Santa leaves a hefty bill for shipping
and handling.

4. By the time he gets to your house, all he has are styrofoam
peanuts.

5. Christmas Day, your kid wakes up with a reindeer head in his
bead.

6. Instead of “naughty” or “nice”, Santa has him/her on the
“dork” list.

7. Sends him/her off on one of those Carnival Cruises with Kathie
Lee.

8. First words when kid gets on his lap are, “Touch my beard,
and I’ll put the hurt on you!”

9. Label on all kids toys read, “Straight from Craptown.”

10. Four words: “Off my lap Tubby!”

7 Dwarfs

The 7 dwarfs were walking through rome and met the pope. Dopey
went up to the pope and asked,”are there any dwarf nuns in rome?”
the pope replied,”hmm….no there are no dwarf nuns in rome.”
the other 6 dwarfs started giggling, and dopey turned to
scilence them. Then he asked,”are there and dwarf nuns in
europe?”
the pope replied,”um….no there are no dwarf nuns in europe.”
the other 6 dwarfs started laughing, and again dopey scilenced
them. Then dopey asked,”mr.pope, are there any dwarf nuns
anywhere?!?!”
the pope replied,”well….no there are no dwarf nuns anywhere.”
the other 6 dwarfs burst out in laughter and were rolling on the
ground chanting…”DOPEY FUCKED A PENGUIN!!DOPEY FUCKED A
PENGUIN!!!”

3 men…3 wishes

There were 3 men just chillen out on a bridge. Suddenly a
geenie apeared out of nowhere. The geenie said “I will grant
you each one wish.” So the first guy says, “i wanna be a bird
and fly.” the genie says, then run off the bridge and flap your
arms then you will turn into one. So he did it and it worked.
The second guy said, “i wanna be a fish and swim all day long”.
The genie said “jump in the water and start to swim.” He did it
and it worked. The third guy said, “i wanna be a bird also!”
So the genie said jump off and start to flap again. So he takes
a few steps back…he gets ready to make a huge jump…then he
runs, trips on a rock and yells “SHIT”! Then poof! He was
floating in the water as a huge pile of shit.

Never Winning Lottery

Every year at the state fair Fred entered the lottery for the
brand new truck and lost. This year, he told his friend Leroy,
he wasn’t going to bother and enter.

“What kind of attitude is that?” Leroy asked. He leaned closer
and whispered, “What you need, pal, is faith. Look around and
see if the good Lord sends you a message.”

Strolling around the fair, Fred grew more and more despondent as
the drawing neared. Nothing struck him, no divine inspiration,
no sign from God.

Finally, while he was passing old Mrs. Kelleher’s pie stand, he
glanced over and saw the woman bending down. She wasn’t wearing
any panties, and suddenly her ass began to glow. All of a
sudden, a finger of flame came from the skies and without her
even knowing it, used her ass as a notepad. The fiery finger
etched a seven on each cheek.

Thanking God, Fred rushed to the raffle booth and played the
number 77. A few minutes later, the drawing was held. And once
again, Fred lost. The winning number was 707.