Category Archives: Farmers Jokes

Smart Bull

Once ther was an insurance saleman from the city going out to the farm community to sell insurance to the farmers. He was way out in the country when he had engine trouble. Not knowing anything about cars he gets out and looks under the hood anyway.
All of a sudden he hears a voice that says ” Its the carborator ”

The insurance man jumps , and looks around, seeing no one . He then looks under the hood again hoping it is something visible that he could fix himself, when he hears the voice again ” Its the carborator ”

The man jumps again and turns around only seeing a large Brahma bull behind him. Scared out of his wits he takes off running to the nearest farm house he can see.

He knocks on the door, the farmer answers, the man immediately goes into his speal about the bull.

The farmer scratches his head and says ” Does he have one straight ear and one floppy ear? ”

The man nods “Yes, Yes “.

The farmer laughs and says ” Don’t worry about him he doesn’t know as much about cars as he thinks he does”

Country Lane

A husband and wife were driving down a country lane on their way to visit some friends. They came to a muddy patch in the road and the car became bogged. After a few minutes of trying to get the car out by themselves, they saw a young farmer coming down the lane, driving some oxen before him.
He stopped when he saw the couple in trouble and offered to pull the car out of the mud for $50. The husband accepted and minutes later the car was free.

The farmer turned to the husband and said, “You know, you’re the tenth car I’ve helped out of the mud today.”

The husband looks around at the fields incredulously and asks the farmer, “When do you have time to plough your land? At night?”

“No,” the young farmer replied seriously, “Night is when I put the water in the hole”

Farmer’s Bull

Farmer: I’ve got a bull that’s right off it duties. It’s got to service

300 cows and all it wants to do is eat.

Vet: Give it one of these little pills in its feed and stand back.

So 2 weeks later the farmer comes back to the vet:

Farmer: WOW, what a pill! I gave the pill to the bull like you said and

POW! It jumped over the gate, ran down the lane and fucked 70 cows in

30 minutes.

Vet: So, what’s the problem – why have you come back?

Farmer: Well, I was wondering, I am meeting this 18-year-old tonight –

could you give me one of those tablets? I’m not as young as I was.

Vet: Oh, no! Sorry, it’s too strong but I will give you a quarter of a

pill.

So the farmer takes the pill and goes off to prepare for his date.

Several days later, the farmer goes back to the Vet.

Farmer: Hello, Vet. Wonderful. 40 Times.

Vet: So, why have you come back?

Farmer: Ah! I need something for my wrist – she never showed up!

Farm Inventory

It was time to take an inventory of the animals on the Old MacDonald’s Farm.
Farmer MacDonald got his 3 sons Gordy, Glenn and Gomer together and assigned a task to each of them. Gordy had to count the chickens, Glenn the pigs and Gomer the cows.

Gordy went out to the chicken coop and started countin’. 1, 2, 3 . . . 48. And came back and told his father “You have 48 chickens.”

Glenn went to the Pig Barn and counted 1, 2, 3 . . . 53. And came back and told his father “You have 54 pigs.”

Gomer went out in the pasture to count the cows. They were all together at one end of the pasture and Gomer began to count 1, 2, 3, and an udder, and an udder . . .

Father Wouldn’t Like It

A clergyman, walking down a country lane, sees a young farmer struggling to load hay back onto a cart after it had fallen off.
“You look hot, my son,” said the cleric. “Why don’t you rest a moment, and I’ll give you a hand.”

“No thanks,” said the young man. “My father wouldn’t like it.”

“Don’t be silly,” the minister said. “Everyone is entitled to a break. Come and have a drink of water.”

Again the young man protested that his father would be upset. Losing his patience, the clergyman said, “Your father must be a real slave driver. Tell me where I can find him and I’ll give him a piece of my mind!”

“Well,” replied the young farmer, “he’s under the load of hay.”