Category Archives: Education Jokes

Contagious

The teacher asked the third grade class to use the word
“contagious” in a sentence.

Ben raised his hand and said, “The measles are contagious.”

Emma followed up with, “The chicken pox are contagious.”

Little Johnny chimed in, “Me and my dad were watching the match
when I did my homework and the man across the street was
building a wall, it was raining. My dad said, ‘It’s gonna take
that cunt ages!'”

What My Mom Taught Me

My Mother taught me LOGIC… “If you fall off that swing and
break your neck, you can’t go to the store with me.”

My Mother taught me MEDICINE… “If you don’t stop crossing your
eyes, they’re going to freeze that way.”

My Mother taught me TO THINK AHEAD… “If you don’t pass your
spelling test, you’ll never get a good job!”

My Mother taught me ESP… “Put your sweater on; don’t you think
that I know when you’re cold?”

My Mother taught me TO MEET A CHALLENGE… “What were you
thinking? Answer me when I talk to you…Don’t talk back to me!”

My Mother taught me HUMOR… “When that lawn mower cuts off your
toes, don’t come running to me.”

My Mother taught me how to BECOME AN ADULT… “If you don’t eat
your vegetables, you’ll never grow up.”

My mother taught me about GENETICS… “You are just like your
father!”

My mother taught me about my ROOTS… “Do you think you were
born in a barn?”

My mother taught me about the WISDOM of AGE… “When you get to
be my age, you will understand.”

My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION… “Just wait until your
father gets home.”

My mother taught me about RECEIVING… “You are going to get it
when we get home.”

and the all time favorite thing–JUSTICE “One day you will have
kids, and I hope they turn out just like YOU..then you’ll see
what it’s like.”

Abc’s of School

Johny was in kindergarden. He had to use the restroom so he
raised his hand and Mrs. Linda said, “Yes Johny What is it?” He
asked her if he could go to the restroom. She said, “You know
the rule. You have to say your ABC’s first.” So he began, “A b c
d e f g h i j k l m n o q r s t u v w x y z.” The teacher
replied, Johny, you forgot the ‘p’.” He said, “No I didn’t. ‘P’
is running down my legs!”

Three Blind Kids

A teacher is in the class with three blind kids. She tells them,
“If any of you can clap your hands three times I’ll give you an
ice cream cone.”

The first kid claps his hands once and misses twice.

The second kid claps his hands twice and misses once.

The third kid claps his hands three times. The teacher says,
“Good job.” Then, she gives him an ice cream cone. He opens his
mouth and smashed the ice cream on his forehead.

Broom

A young man hired by a supermarket reported for his first day of
work. The manager greeted him with a warm handshake and a smile,
gave him a broom and said, “Your first job will be to sweep out
the store.”

“But I’m a college graduate,” the young man replied indignantly.

“Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t know that,” said the manager. “Here,
give me the broom. I’ll show you how.”