Category Archives: Computers Jokes

Blonde E-Mail

How do you know when a blonde’s been sending e-mail? Envelopes in the disk drive.

Excel 97 Egg

You can get a flight simulator game in excel. this is what you do:

1. Open Microsoft Excel (or again or it will not work).
2. Press “F5” on you keyboard.
3. Type X97:L97.
4. Press ok.
5. Press “Tab” on you keyboard.
6. Then press the “make graph option” in excel.
7. Play the game.
8. Press esc to quit.

Computer Support Pro

COMPUTER PROBLEM REPORT FORM:1. Describe your problem: __________________________________________________ __________________________________________________2. Now, describe the problem accurately: __________________________________________________ __________________________________________________3. Speculate wildly about the cause of the problem: __________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________4. Problem severity: A. Minor B. Minor C. Minor D. Trivial5. Nature of the problem: A. ___Locked Up B. ___Frozen C. ___Hung D. ___Strange Smell6. Is your computer plugged in? Yes __ No __7. Is it turned on? Yes __ No __8. Have you tried to fix it yourself? Yes __ No __9. Have you made it worse? Yes __10. Have you had a friend who “knows all about computers ” try to fix it for you? Yes__ No__11. Did they make it even worse? Yes __12. Have you read the manual? Yes__ No__13. Are you sure you’ve read the manual? Maybe __ No__14. Are you absolutely certain you’ve read the manual? No__15. If you read the manual, do you think you understood it? Yes__ No__16. If ‘Yes’ then explain why you can’t fix the problem yourself: __________________________________________________ __________________________________________________17. What were you doing with your computer when the problem occurred? __________________________________________________ __________________________________________________18. If you answered ‘nothing’ then explain why you were logged in: ___________________________________________________ __________________________________________________19. Are you sure that you aren’t imagining the problem? Yes__ No__20. Does the clock on your VCR blink 12:00? Yes__ What’s a VCR__21. Do you have a copy of ‘PCs for Dummies’? Yes__ No__22. Do you have any independent witnesses to the problem? Yes__ No__23. Do you have any electronic products that DO work? Yes __ No__24. Is there anyone else that you could blame this problem on? Yes__ No__25. Have you given the machine a good whack on the top? Yes__ No__26. Is the machine on fire? Yes__ Not Yet __

Types of computer viruses

Airline virus: You’re in Dallas, but your data is in Singapore.

Windows 2000

The following are new Windows messages that are under consideration for the planned Windows 2000:
1. Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue.

2. Press any key to continue or any other key to quit.

3. Press any key except… no, No, NO, NOT THAT ONE!

4. Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner.

5. This will end your Windows session. Do you want to play another game?

6. Windows message: “Error saving file! Format drive now? (Y/Y)”

7. This is a message from God Gates: “Rebooting the world. Please log off.”

8. To “shut down” your system, type “WIN”

9. BREAKFAST.SYS halted… Cereal port not responding.

10. COFFEE.SYS missing… Insert cup in cup holder and press any key.

11. File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)

12. Runtime Error 6D at 417A:32CF: Incompetent User.

13. Error reading FAT record: Try the SKINNY one? (Y/N)

14. WinErr 16547: LPT1 not found. Use backup. (PENCIL & PAPER.SYS)

15. User Error: Replace user.

16. Windows VirusScan 1.0 – “Windows found: Remove it? (Y/N)”

17. Your hard drive has been scanned and all stolen software titles have been deleted. The police are on the way.