Category Archives: Christians Jokes

New Minister

There was a young man who had just complete his schooling to
become a minister. He had went back to his home town and went to
his pastor and ask if he could deliver the message that Sunday.
The minister agreed.

Sunday morning the young man went to his pastor and said he was
too nervous to preach. The priest took him in the kitchen and
pored him some clear whiskey. The man took a drink and refilled
his glass. The priest told him to take it out and set it on the
pulpet. It would calm his nerves and it was clear so the
congregation would think it was water.

The young man did exactly what the priest said. After the
service and everyone had left the young minister asked the
priest how he did. The priest said fine but we must get three
things straight. Mother Mary is not Big Mama. The Holy Ghost
isn’t the Spook from Hell And they crucified Jesus they didn’t
just nail his ass to a tree.

Holy Christmas

Q. What’s the diffrence between preachers and Christmas trees?

A. They both have balls but just for decoration.

Run Through the Rain

She must have been 6 years old, this beautiful, brown haired,
freckled-faced image of innocence. Her mom looked like someone
from the Walton’s or a moment captured by Norman Rockwell. Not
that she was old-fashioned. Her brown hair was ear length with
enough curl to appear natural. She had on a pair of tan shorts
and light blue knit shirt. Her sneakers were white with a blue
trim. She looked like a mom.

It was pouring outside. The kind of rain that gushes over the
tops of rain gutters, so much in a hurry to hit the earth it has
no time to flow down the spout. Drains in the nearby parking lot
were filled to capacity and some were blocked so that huge
puddles laked around parked cars. We all stood there under the
awning and just inside the door of the Walmart. We waited, some
patiently, others aggravated because nature messed up their
hurried day.

I am always mesmerized by rain fall. I get lost in the sound and
sight of the heavens washing away the dirt and dust of the
world.

Memories of running, splashing so carefree as a child come
pouring in as a welcome reprieve from the worries of my day. Her
voice was so sweet as it broke the hypnotic trance we were all
caught in.

“Mom, let’s run through the rain,” she said.
“What?” Mom asked.
“Let’s run through the rain!” she repeated.
“No, honey. We’ll wait until it slows down a bit,” Mom replied.
This young child waited about another minute and repeated her
statement.
“Mom. Let’s run through the rain.”
“We’ll get soaked if we do,” Mom said.
“No we won’t, Mom. That’s not what you said this morning,” the
young girl said as she tugged at her Mom’s arm.
“This morning? When did I say we could run through the rain and
not get wet?”
“Don’t you remember? When you were talking to daddy about his
cancer, you said, “If God can get us through this, He can get us
through anything!”

The entire crowd stopped dead silent. I swear, you couldn’t hear
anything but the rain. We all stood silently. No one came or
left in the next few minutes. Mom paused and thought for a
moment about what she would say.

Now some would laugh it off and scold her for being silly. Some
might even ignore what was said. But this was a moment of
affirmation in a young child’s life. A time when innocent trust
can be nurtured so that it will bloom into faith.

“Honey, you are absolutely right. Let’s run through the rain. If
God lets us get wet, well maybe we just needed washing,” Mom
said.

Then off they ran. We all stood watching, smiling and laughing
as they darted past the cars and yes through the puddles. They
held their shopping bags over their heads just in case. They got
soaked. But they were followed by a few believers who screamed
and laughed like children all the way to their cars.

Perhaps inspired by their faith and trust. I want to believe
that somewhere down the road in life, mom will find herself
reflecting back on moments they spent together, captured like
pictures in the scrapbook of her cherished memories.

Maybe when she watches proudly as her daughter graduates. Or as
her daddy walks her down the aisle on her wedding day. She will
laugh again. Her heart will beat a little faster. Her smile will
tell the world they love each other.

But only two people will share that precious moment when they
ran through the rain believing that God would get them through.
And, yes, I did. I ran. I got wet. I needed washing.

In the Garden of Eden…

One day in the garden of Eden, Adam said, “God, I am lonely.” So
God said, “Adam, I will create for you a woman.” “What’s a
woman?” asked Adam. “She is a beautiful creature with whom you
can love and have a family,” God replied. He sent down Eve and
told Adam and her to go off and fall in love.

A little while later, Adam came back to God. “God? How do I fall
in love with Eve?” he asked. “Spend lots of time with her,” said
God.

Adam came back the next day and asked, “God? How do I tell Eve I
love her?” “Kiss her,” replied God. “What’s a kiss?” asked Adam.
God explained to Adam what a kiss was and the various ways to do
it. So Adam went to Eve and kissed her.

A little while later, Adam came back. “God? How do I start a
family with Eve? How can I show my love for her more
affectionately?” “Have sex with her,” was God’s response.
“What’s sex?” asked Adam. God explained everything possible
about the birds and bees to Adam and Adam went off.

Not so short after, Adam came back. He looked up and asked,
“God? What’s a headache?”

What to Do with the Gold Coins

A Muslim sheikh, a Christian priest and a Jewish rabbi find a
room filled with gold coins. They sit down to discuss what
they’d do with it.

The sheikh: I think we throw it up in the air and have the poor
take what they can of it. That way it’s like giving it to God.

The priest: I think I should throw it up in the air. Whatever
goes to the left of this line goes to church and whatever goes
to the right goes to charity. That way God is happy.

The rabbi: I will just throw it all up in the air. Whatever
comes down I will take. And whatever stays up God can have it
and he can do what he likes with it!