Category Archives: Asians Jokes

Three Chineese Tortures

One day, a man walking in the woods became hopelessly lost in a
vast jungle. He walked for hours and hours and finally he came
upon a small cottage. This man was very tired, so he knocked on
the door and an old Chineese man answered it. The man asked if
he could stay the night, and the Chineese guy said he could
under one condition: the man kept away from his daughter. The
guy figured that this would be easy, because the daughter should
be considerably older than him, so he agreed. The man came
inside, and while the Chineese guy was showing him to his room,
he caught a glimpse of his daughter. She was beautiful and
young with long hair and sparkling eyes. The guy got to his
room and tried to go to sleep, but his mind kept on focusing on
them man’s daughter. So, he crept down to her room for a night
of romance. The guy woke up the next morning in his room with a
heavy feeling on his chest. He looked up, and saw a massive
rock on him with a note attached to it. The note said: “Since
you have disobeyed my rules, you must feel the wrath of the
three worst Chineese tortures”. Below it said: “Chineese
torture #1: large rock on chest.” The guy figured that if this
was the first torture, how bad could the other ones be? So, he
heaved the rock out of the window. He soon realized that the
rock was attached to a rope. On the rope was a note with a
message: “Chineese torture #2: Rope attached to left testicle.”
Thinking he would rather break a few bones then be causterated,
the guy jumped out the window after the rock. He looked down at
the ground and saw a message spray-painted on it. It read:
“Chineese torture #3: Right testicle attached to bedpost”

Chinese playin’

A man suspects his wife of cheating on him. So, to find out he
hires a Chinese detective to spy on her. It turns out he’s
right. The Chinese detective follows his wife and a man to a
restaurant. Then they drove to a hotel. He follows them there
and climbs up a tree so he can see into their room. This whole
time he has been taking notes, so he takes more while watching
them in the room. He writes: “He kiss she, she kiss he. He
undress she, she undress he. He touch she, she touch he. He play
with she, she play with he, I play with me and fall out of tree.”

Chinese Detective

A man suspected his wife of seeing another man. So, he hired a
famous chinese detective, Mr. Sui Tansow Pok, to watch and
report any activities that might develop. A few days later, he
received this report:

Most honorable sir:

You leave house.
He come house.
I watch.
He and she leave house.
I follow.
He and she get on train.
I follow.
He and she go in hotel.
I climb tree-look in window.
He kiss she.
She kiss he.
He strip she.
She strip he.
He play with she.
She play with he.
I play with me.
Fall out of tree, not see.
NO FEE.

Learn Chinese In 5 Minutes

Learn Chinese in 5 Minutes

ENGLISH PHRASE CHINESE TRANSLATION

Are you harboring a fugitive? Hu Yu Hai Ding?

See me A.S.A.P. Kum Hia Nao

Stupid Man Dum Gai

Small Horse Tai Ni Po Ni

Your price is too high!! No Bai Dam Thing!!

Did you go to the beach? Wai Yu So Tan?

I bumped into a coffee table Ai Bang Mai Ni

I think you need a facelift Chin Tu Fat

It’s very dark in here Wai So Dim?

Has your flight been delayed? Hao Long Wei Ting?

That was an unauthorized execution. Lin Ching

I thought you were on a diet Wai Yu Mun Ching?

This is a tow away zone. No Pah King

Do you know the lyrics to the Macarena Song? Wai Yu Sing Dum

You are not very bright Yu So Dum

I got this for free Ai No Pei

I am not guilty Wai Hang Mi?

Please, stay a while longer. Wai Go Nao?

Our meeting was scheduled for next week Wai Yu Kum Nao

They have arrived Hia Dei Kum

Stay out of sight Lei Lo

He’s cleaning his automobile Wa Shing Ka

Your body odor is offensive Hu Man Go!

Pew! does this bathroom stink! Hu Flung Dung?

English man, Scottish man and a Paky man

There was an English man a Scottish man and a Paky man. They
were all in a plane that was about too crash into Mount
Everist.The pilot told them to throw out anything they didnt
need.

So the Scottish man threw out his Kilts and said “I dont
need them iv got plenty in my country”.

The Paky man threw out
his fags and said “I dont need them iv got plenty in my
country”.

The English man threw out the Paky and said “I dont
need him iv got plenty in my country”.