Category Archives: Animals Jokes

Rude Parrot

David received a parrot for his birthday. This parrot was
fully-grown with a bad attitude and terrible vocabulary. Every
other word was an expletive. Those that weren’t expletives were,
to say the least, rude.

David tried hard to change the bird’s attitude. He was
constantly saying polite words and playing soft music; he tried
everything he knew. Nothing worked. When he yelled at the bird,
the bird got worse. If he shook the bird, the bird got madder
and ruder.

Finally in a moment of desperation, David put the parrot in the
freezer. For a few moments he heard the bird squawking, kicking
and screaming horrible expletives. Then, suddenly, there was
quiet. David was frightened that he might have actually hurt the
bird and opened the freezer door.

The parrot calmly stepped out onto David’s extended arm and
said, “I’m sorry that I might have offended you with my language
and actions, so I ask for your forgiveness. I will endeavor to
correct my behavior.” David was astounded at the bird’s change
of attitude and was about to ask what had changed him . . . when
the parrot continued, “May I ask what the chicken did?”

“Fly eh? Ha! My foot!”

A woman is out looking for a pet, and so she’s trying the local pet shops. She
walks into a small pet shop and explains her need to the attendant. He thinks
for a moment and then says, “I’ve got just the thing for you madam. I’ll just
get him.”

With that, he disappears into the back of the shop, and returns a few seconds
later with a cute little puppy. “This dog is a special dog,” he tells her. “It
is able to fly,” he explains, and with that throws the dog into the air. It
immediately begins to float gracefully around the shop.

“There is one problem with him, however. Whenever you say ‘my’, he’ll eat
whatever you’ve mentioned. Watch. “My apple!” The lady watches in astonishment
as the dog zooms over to the shop attendant and furiously devours an apple he
has produced from his pocket.

“He’s cute, and so unusual. I’ll take him,” she says, and a few minutes later
she is on her way back home with dog to show her husband.

“Darling, look what a clever pet I bought today!” she exclaims when she gets
back home. “He can fly!”

The husband peers at the dog, and then remarks, “Fly eh? Ha! My foot!”

how many animals can you

how many animals can you fit in a condom. i dont know how many . 2bulls 1snake and as many hares as you can count.

Q. How does a cat commit suicide?…

Q. How does a cat commit suicide?
A. He shoots himself in the head nine times.